A Counselor’s or
Psychologist’s effectiveness in doing psychotherapy lies in their training and
field of expertise, as well as skills and years of experience. It is important to realize that having a
degree in psychology or counseling does not make one a competent counselor or
psychotherapist.
Four reasons why it is good to seek the help of a professional
counselor or psychotherapist
1) They are objective and can provide
an objective perspective on issues that you are having difficulty discussing with
each other.
2)
They are trained to provide safety and create an environment
so every person in the room feels comfortable to honestly tell how they see the
situation and feel about being in this difficult situation.
3)
They are trained to see the dysfunctional
dynamics in relationships. They know how to restructure communication and how to disseminate power
among each member of the family.
4)
They also help in making sure that each one is
heard and listened to by the members of the family. When each one can speak truthfully and be
listened to without being criticized and judged, then your family members will
begin to feel loved and respected in the family.
Just make sure to follow through on your program. Often people will see an improvement after 1 or 2 sessions and then decide they do not need to come back. This is not wise and can sabotage the counseling. It takes time and discipline to restructure dysfunctional relationships. Not following through for change because the intensity of the moment has passed is another dysfunctional pattern. Establishing trust is not easy. Trust grows when you give
your therapist a chance to work with you and faithfully attend your weekly counseling sessions. Give yourself time to grow and change (at least 12 sessions). Then reevaluate whether
your goals have been met and whether there is further need for counseling.
To make counseling work for your
family, you must define a specific goal what you want to accomplish in
your time together.
Commit to finish the agreed number
of sessions (unless you feel that you are not really going anywhere). Sometimes it takes up to the 3rd
session to have a comprehensive assessment of the situation of your family. So do not give up right away. If you do not get what you expected, discuss
it with the counselor. If it is still not achieving your goal by the 6th session,
that would be a fair time to decide that this specific counselor may not be the right
person for you.
Do not decide right away to change counselors based on the fact that the counseling is uncomfortable for you. While you are uncomfortable, it may be helping other family
members. So stick with it for their sake. Later you will realize that not all pain
is harmful. Some pain and discomfort might be needed to feel better and become
a better person – and a better family.
Yes, bringing another person who is neutral and skilled to
help provide safety for each of your family members and to allow each person to
be honest to each other about what they think and feel about a specific
situation or how they feel about being in the family and what they can do to
help achieve the goal of the family is very important in changing the family
dynamics as well as changing the culture of your home. Changing is very uncomfortable, so at first
you might feel that things are getting worse because you are actually being a lot more truthful to
one another. You may find that there are so many issues that have been hidden, and now each person is
bringing what is bothering them into awareness. But persevering in counseling can bring a real change of lifestyle and family culture that can bring long-term happiness and enjoyment of the relationships.
