Dear Friend,
I
know your heart is full of questions — the “whys” about your adult child’s
challenges, their difficulty with responsibilities, and why things seem so hard
for them when others seem to manage. These are not easy questions, and they
come from a place of deep love and concern.
I
want to gently remind you that the recent diagnosis isn’t a label to define or
limit put on your child. The diagnosis is not a bad news. It’s a tool — one that brings clarity, understanding, and,
most importantly, a path forward to empower your lovedone. It helps us see not what's wrong, but what
kind of support is right that can bring the best possible outcome - because we care.
Your child is not broken, insane, disabled, or a burden. They are not a shame or a disappointment. They are human — just like all of us — navigating life with their own unique wiring. Autism doesn’t make someone less. It just means their way of experiencing the world is different, not abnormal. They may not be able to run the business we dream them having, to pursue a career, or have a family of their own. With understanding and the right support, many adults with autism spectrum disorder or ASD go on to live happy, fulfilling, and independent lives. Your role isn't to fix them — it’s to help them build a life that fits them. And they can thrive in it.
You are not alone in this. Your love, patience, and openness mean more than you know to your lovedone. One step at a time, this journey can become one of growth, hope, and even joy.
💌 THERE IS HELP AVAILABLE:
When you are
ready for a session with me just send me a personal message on Messenger
Jiji Harner
Here is more
information about my services: https://safeguardmentalhealth.org/
ADULT
AUTISM AWARENESS CHECKLIST
🧾 Here is a Way to Assess (For Parents and
Family Insight)
Purpose: To help recognize behaviors and traits
that may indicate undiagnosed autism in adults.
If you or your
adult child shows many of these traits, consider seeking a professional help.
✅ Social Communication & Interaction
- ☐ Difficulty starting or maintaining
conversations
- ☐ Talks “at” people more than “with”
them
- ☐ Struggles to understand tone, facial
expressions, or sarcasm
- ☐ Avoids or has trouble with eye
contact
- ☐ Difficulty forming or keeping
friendships or detached and disinterested or wants to be liked but unable
to sustain relationships.
- ☐ Prefers solitude or one-on-one
interactions
- ☐ Appears emotionally flat or
unresponsive in social situations
✅ Behavioral Patterns & Interests
- ☐ Has one or a few intense, narrow
interests
- ☐ Becomes very distressed by changes in
routine or plans
- ☐ Repeats behaviors, movements, or
phrases (e.g., pacing, hand movements, repeated sayings)
- ☐ Needs to do things “just so” (rituals
or fixed order)
- ☐ Over- or under-reacts to sensory
input (e.g., lights, sounds, textures)
✅ Daily Life Functioning
- ☐ Needs frequent prompting or
encouragement to complete basic tasks
- ☐ Struggles with time management,
planning, or staying organized
- ☐ Has difficulty living independently
(e.g., cooking, budgeting, cleaning)
- ☐ Finds holding a job or completing
tasks very challenging
- ☐ Easily overwhelmed by everyday
stressors or decisions
✅ Emotional & Mental Health
- ☐ History of anxiety, especially around
social settings
- ☐ Episodes of depression, shutdown, or
emotional withdrawal
- ☐ Appears passive or compliant, avoids
expressing needs
- ☐ Has a hard time recognizing or
expressing emotions (alexithymia)
- ☐ May seem "out of sync"
emotionally with others
🧠 WHAT TO DO IF MANY BOXES ARE CHECKED
- Understand that diagnosis can bring clarity,
validation, and access to the right support.
- For Formal testing: such as the RAADS-R,
ADOS-2, or Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ).
DIAGNOSTIC CRITERIA
🧠 1. DSM-5-TR Diagnostic Criteria for Autism
Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
In DSM-5 and
DSM-5-TR, Asperger’s Syndrome is no longer a separate diagnosis. It
is now considered part of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) with no
language or intellectual impairment (essentially aligning with what was
previously known as Asperger’s).
✅ To be diagnosed with ASD, the individual must meet all A
criteria and at least two from B.
A. Persistent
deficits in social communication and social interaction, currently or by
history (must meet all three):
- Deficits in social-emotional
reciprocity, e.g.:
- Failure of normal back-and-forth
conversation
- Reduced sharing of interests/emotions
- Difficulty initiating/responding to
social interactions
- Deficits in nonverbal communicative
behaviors, e.g.:
- Poor eye contact, body language,
facial expression
- Lack of understanding of gestures or
tone
- Deficits in developing, maintaining,
and understanding relationships,
e.g.:
- Difficulty adjusting behavior to suit
various contexts
- Trouble making friends or showing
interest in peers
- Preference for solitude or one-sided
social interaction
B. Restricted,
repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities (must meet at least 2):
- Stereotyped or repetitive motor
movements, use of
objects, or speech
(e.g., hand-flapping, echolalia, lining up toys) - Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or
ritualized patterns
(e.g., extreme distress at small changes, rigid thinking, same route/daily schedule) - Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or
focus
(e.g., obsessively collecting data, fixated on niche topics) - Hyper- or hypo-reactivity to sensory
input or unusual
interest in sensory aspects
(e.g., indifference to pain/temperature, fascination with lights/textures)
C. Symptoms
must be present in the early developmental period
(even if not fully
recognized until later in life).
D. Symptoms
cause clinically significant impairment
in social,
occupational, or other important areas.
E. These
disturbances are not better explained by intellectual disability or global
developmental delay.
🧩 What Happened to Asperger’s Syndrome?
- Asperger’s now typically refers to “Level
1 ASD” (requiring support, without intellectual or language delay).
🔍 In Case You Wonder If Your Lovedone has Other Mental Health Condition. Here is a Differential Diagnoses (Other Conditions
to Rule Out)
It’s important to distinguish
ASD from other mental health or developmental conditions that may present
similarly:
|
DIFFERENTIAL DIAGNOSES (OTHER CONDITIONS
TO RULE OUT) |
||
|
Condition |
Similarities |
Key
Differences |
|
Social
(Pragmatic) Communication Disorder |
Social
difficulties |
Lacks repetitive
behaviors/restricted interests |
|
ADHD |
Inattention,
impulsivity, social awkwardness |
Does not
typically involve restricted interests or insistence on sameness |
|
Intellectual
Disability |
Developmental
delays |
In ASD, social
difficulties exceed general developmental delays |
|
Schizoid
Personality Disorder |
Social
withdrawal |
SPD lacks early
developmental signs and repetitive behaviors |
|
Avoidant
Personality Disorder |
Social anxiety
and avoidance |
Driven by fear
of rejection, not confusion or disinterest |
|
Obsessive-Compulsive
Disorder (OCD) |
Rituals, rigid
thinking |
OCD rituals are
anxiety-driven and ego-dystonic (unwanted) |
|
Schizophrenia
Spectrum Disorders |
Flattened
affect, social withdrawal |
ASD begins in
early development and lacks psychosis/hallucinations |
💥 Common Comorbid Conditions with ASD
Many people with
autism also experience co-occurring (comorbid) mental health or
neurodevelopmental disorders.
🧠 Neurodevelopmental:
- ADHD (very common overlap)
- Learning disabilities (math, reading, writing)
- Dyspraxia (motor coordination difficulties)
😟 Anxiety Disorders:
- Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
- Social Anxiety Disorder
- Panic Disorder
- Specific Phobias
- Often due to sensory overload or fear of social failure
😔 Mood Disorders:
- Major Depressive Disorder
- Persistent Depressive Disorder
- Bipolar Disorder (less common but still possible)
🧍♂️ Personality Disorders (more in adults,
often co-diagnosed if masking or trauma present):
- Avoidant Personality Disorder – due to chronic social failure or
bullying
- Schizoid Personality Disorder – often misdiagnosed instead of ASD
- Obsessive-Compulsive Personality
Disorder – due to
rigid thinking patterns
- Borderline Personality Disorder – in cases with emotional dysregulation and trauma.
💊 Others:
- Sleep disorders
- Sensory Processing Disorder (not in DSM-5, but common in ASD)
- Eating disorders, especially ARFID
(Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder)
|
SUMMARY FOR PARENTS & CLINICIANS |
|
|
Area |
What to
Consider |
|
Diagnosis |
ASD includes
what was formerly Asperger’s; key signs must be present from early life. |
|
Functional
Impact |
Even
high-functioning individuals may struggle with daily living, relationships,
and employment. |
|
Comorbidities |
Depression,
anxiety, ADHD, and sometimes personality disorders are very common. |
|
Support Needs |
Vary from person
to person – some need minimal support, others substantial assistance with
daily life. |
|
Assessment |
Best done by a
psychologist, psychiatrist, or developmental specialist using structured
tools (e.g., ADOS-2, RAADS-R). |
🧭 Step-by-Step Plan for Your Family or Lovedone
Supporting an Adult Child with Possible Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
🛠️Step 1:
Awareness & Education
- ✅ Learn about autism in adults,
especially traits that differ from childhood presentations.
- ✅ Understand autism is a
neurological difference, not a failure of character, motivation, or
upbringing.
- ✅ Share resources with other family members to build a supportive and nonjudgmental environment.
Step 2: Observe
& Document Concerns
- 📝 Keep a simple behavior or
functioning journal over 2–4 weeks:
- Communication challenges
- Sensory sensitivities
- Rigid routines or intense interests
- Emotional outbursts, shutdowns, or
disinterest
- Executive function struggles (task
completion, organization)
📌 Tip: Use the awareness checklist from earlier as a
starting point.
Step 3:
Initiate a Supportive Conversation
- 🗣️ Choose a calm, private time to share
your observations.
- 🧡 Use a non-judgmental tone:
“I’ve noticed
you’ve been having a really hard time with [work, relationships, tasks]. I
recently learned about how autism can show up differently in adults — and I
wonder if it’s something we should explore together?”
- 🤝 Offer your support and presence
during the process.
Step 4: Seek
Professional Evaluation
- 📞 Harner Mental Health Services at https://safeguardmentalhealth.org/
- Uses tools like the ADOS-2, RAADS-R,
or Autism Diagnostic Interview-Revised (ADI-R)
- 🧾 Be prepared with:
- A written history of behaviors and
challenges (even from childhood if available)
- Family observations
- School records (if accessible)
Step 5: Build a
Support Plan Post-Diagnosis (or Regardless of Diagnosis)
Even if no formal
diagnosis is made, support and accommodations can still be
life-changing.
Focus on:
- 🛠️ Executive functioning support:
routines, planners, reminders, coaching
- 🏠 Life skills training: cooking,
money management, hygiene, transportation
- 💼 Employment coaching or
autism-friendly job programs
- 🧠 Mental health treatment:
therapy for anxiety, depression, or trauma
- 🌐 Connecting with other autistic
adults or autism-informed communities
Step 6: Adjust
Family Dynamics & Expectations
- 🧩 Accept their neurological difference;
reduce pressure to be “normal”
- 👂 Listen actively, without trying to
fix everything
- 🧘 Build patience around meltdowns,
shutdowns, or emotional withdrawal
- 💞 Help them feel safe and accepted at
home, especially if the outside world is hard to navigate
Step 7: Empower
Independence Over Time
- Start with small, achievable goals
(e.g., make one meal a week, apply for a volunteer role)
- Use visual tools, reminders, or reward
systems
- Celebrate progress over perfection
- Consider involving a life coach, occupational therapist, or social worker
