Dear Friend,
Trying to move past your past can be very challenging. I hear your struggle
as you wage war against the voices that are intrusive in your mind. You asked why it is so hard to turn off these negative thoughts running in your mind: Why is
your inner voice so cruel, even when you are trying to do your best? You wonder,
where did this self-criticism come from?
Many trauma survivors carry an internal voice that’s harsh,
demanding, and unforgiving. Your inner critic often echoes the tone of your childhood
environments — maybe a critical parent, a shaming teacher, or a moment where
you felt you weren’t enough. The inner critic voice was formed not by love but
out of fear. Though it now sounds like you, it isn’t the whole truth about you.
Here’s the truth: Your inner critic
is not your true voice. It is a survival voice — crafted to help you avoid
rejection, punishment, or shame. As a child, when you were hurt and
unsupported, our defense mechanism often turn the blame inward. It felt safer
to believe "something is wrong with me" than to believe the fault is
on someone and have no way to control the terror of those who were supposed to
protect you but didn’t.
There is hope: Healing begins when we listen to the inner critic with compassion and not condemnation. Be curious - pause and ask: What pain is this voice trying to protect me from? As you begin to understand the role of this inner critic, you can also begin to make a choice about what to do with this obsolete message being associated with this current moment. I hope this helps.
- Jiji Harner
💌 THERE IS HELP AVAILABLE:
When you are ready for a session with
me
just send me a personal message on
Messenger Jiji Harner
🛠️
TIPS IN DEALING WITH YOUR INNER CRITIC
1. Call the Inner Voice by It's Name
Give your inner critic a persona
or nickname—not to mock it, but to make it external and observable. Example:
The Drill Sergeant, The Perfectionist, The Blamer
🗣️
Ask yourself:
- When does this voice show up?
- What tone does it use?
- Whose voice does it sound like?
📝
Write: “My inner critic says ____________.” Example: “You’re a failure. You
should’ve done better. You’re falling behind. No one will love you like this.”
2. Validate the Voice’s Purpose
Say to yourself: “This
voice was developed to protect me.”
Try this reframe: “When
I was young, this voice tried to keep me safe by making me better, quieter,
perfect. It wasn’t cruelty—it was fear trying to shield me from rejection.”
🧠
Try to challenge this erroneous beliefs (e.g., “I must be perfect to be
worthy”)
without judging ourselves for believing it it.
💬
“My critic was born in fear, not truth.”
3. Speak to Yourself with Compassion
Speak gently to the wounded part beneath the critic:
- Say name of the inner critic_______, I know you were trying so hard
to be loved. You don’t have to earn your worth anymore. You are loved—even
when you rest, even when you fail, even when you’re messy.
👐
Use your non-dominant hand to write a reply from your inner child,
responding to your compassion.
4. Replace Criticism with Truth
Identify a recurring self-judgment and replace it with
truth.
|
Thought |
Truth |
|
“I’m such a failure.” |
“I had a hard day. I am learning. I am loved regardless.” |
|
“I’ll never be good enough.” |
“God formed me in love. His grace fills my gaps.” |
|
“I’m too much / not enough.” |
“I am exactly who I need to be to grow into wholeness.” |
📖
Meditate on God’s Word:
“There is no condemnation for those in
Christ.” —Romans 8:1
“You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” —Song of
Songs 4:7
God doesn’t speak in shame. His voice restores, reaffirms, and renews.
5. Slow Down - Regulate with the Body
💡
Inner critics often activate fight–freeze states.
Try this: Remind Yourself You are Safe Now
- Place your hand over your heart
- Breathe in for 4, out for 6
- Say slowly: “I am safe. I am seen. I am loved.”
🧘♀️
This signals to the amygdala that it doesn’t need to fight you—you
are not a threat.
🌼
Be Friend Yourself:
You are not the
cruel things your mind says over and over again. You are not the echo of a
voice that made love conditional. That voice was shaped by pain, but right now
you are choosing to reshape it by love.
💗
The inner critic was a shield—but you don’t need armor anymore. You are
safe enough now to speak kindly to yourself.
📝
Journal: Find Some Time to Capture Your Thoughts
💬
Step 1: What does my critic say?
“My critic tells me
_______________________.”
🧠
Step 2: What is it trying to protect me from?
“It says this
because it’s afraid that _____________________.”
💛
Step 3: What would compassion say instead?
Rewrite the
statement with gentleness and truth.
“I’m not
____________. I am ____________.”
Example:
“I’m not a failure. I’m growing through hard things with courage.”
🙌
Step 4: What truth will I speak today?
☐
I am already loved—even when imperfect
☐ I’m not behind; I’m on my journey
☐ My worth is not performance-based
☐ I forgive myself for being hard on me
☐ I speak to myself the way God speaks
to me: with grace
💌
Affirmation: I Am Not My Inner Critic
I
am not what the inner critic says. I am not condemned. I am forgiven. I turned
off the voice that once shamed me into silence. I am not a problem to fix—I have
been redeemed. I was created to love and be loved. I was never meant to be
perfect. I am good enough, I am unique, and I am loved and able to love.
🙏
Try Talking to God
God Who Created the Universe,
Sometimes
I confuse Your voice with the one in my head. The one that criticizes, condemns,
and never lets me rest. But You are not that voice. You are the still, soft
whisper of grace that assures me - that you will never leave me. You are close as the air I breathe. Teach me to speak to myself the way You do— Not with shame,
but with tenderness. Not with fear, but with faith. Not with blame, but with
blessing. Quiet the critic, God. And let me hear your voice of truth calling me
your beloved. Let me walk in the dignity you bestowed on me. Let me claim the
purpose for which you have created me to be.
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