Common Counseling Mistakes (Part 2)

Information in this post comes from Dr. John Cheydleur's book Called to Counsel, in which he describes 12 Common Counseling Mistakes that lay counselors and nonprofessional Christian Counselors tend to make. (Used with permission)

4. Inappropriate Self-Disclosure
Selective and focused self-disclosure on the part of the counselor unlocks difficult areas for the client.   It can also build a stronger bond between the counselor and client, help to break down the client’s sense of isolation, and provide a very real hope. However, one of the most common counseling mistakes is for self-disclosure to occur too early in the interview.

When this happens, you can end up with role reversal.  The role of the counselor is to pay undivided attention in order to listen to both verbal and non-verbal messages of the client.  However, with inappropriate self-disclosure, the counselee is now listening and processing the counselor.

Example: 

Counselee:  Have you ever experience being betrayed?

Counselor:  Oh!  That is a long story, but I will share 

a short  version with you.  When I was 18, I fell in 

love… I could not  believe what she did in spite of  

all my sacrifices… (5 minutes have already passed 

and the counselor is still telling his own story.)

Counselee: Tell me more. . . What else?  What 

happened next?

Another problem arises when self-disclosure is too intense.  The counselee can feel uncomfortable with the material being disclosed, and this can also trigger memories of traumatic events that the counselee has experienced.  Or the counselee might feel obligated to tell his or her own story as a response to the counselor’s self-disclosure.

How to correct this mistake: 

Process the counselee's thought and feelings in reaction to your testimony and/or your interpretation of his problem.

Principles to Follow in Counselor’s Self-disclosure: 

1. Self-disclose for the client’s need, not your own. 

2. Keep your sharing brief, then go right back to what the counselee was sharing, allowing him or her to continue to work on the issue. 

3. When you share, don’t seek to have the client respond to your feelings. 

4. Listen to the client’s spirit and the Holy Spirit, not just your own spirit 

I will be discussing more common counseling mistakes in upcoming posts . . .