Tired from Caring? A Practical Reset for When You Feel “Off” - By Dr. Jiji Harner

Dear Friends,

 I’ve been thinking deeply about your struggle lately. Thank you for attending the debriefing sessions. When our role places us on the frontlines of helping others, it can feel as though everything will fall apart if we don’t do something. Carrying that responsibility can take a toll on us and leave us feeling overwhelmed.

We snap at minor annoyances and turn them into catastrophes, or sometimes we simply shut down and disguise our feelings as sarcastic jokes. We become so busy helping and checking on others that we forget to check on ourselves.

Many of you work in the medical field, human services, legal and justice professions, and shelter services. Some of you are parents and teachers. Feeling off is often a sign that something within you is asking for attention. It is your mind and body’s way of telling you that you matter too, and that something within you needs care.

Photo by Rejen Bosquit

I want you to know that I care—not just as your company's mental health consultant, counselor, or psychologist, but also as your friend. Many of you have asked me, “Why do I feel so drained? Why do little things cause me to overthink?” I’ve noticed that these questions can sometimes begin a downward spiral that pulls you into a state of depression.

You see, in life we all experience moments when something goes wrong. We magnify it and catastrophize it into a major mistake, rejection, failure, or loss. As we spend more and more time thinking about it, our attention shifts. That shift in attention can suddenly change our mood, and before we know it, we no longer feel like ourselves.

Instead of staying open and engaged, we withdraw. We overthink. We avoid. We become smaller. In psychological terms, this is your brain’s threat response system activating. The amygdala detects emotional danger (shame, fear, rejection), and your nervous system shifts into protection mode. Instead of staying calm and open we engaged in fight, flight, or most commonly, freeze and hide. That “hiding” doesn’t always look obvious.

Here are the signs of hiding:

1. Procrastinating on things you used to enjoy
2. Avoiding people who care about you
3. Being overly self-critical
4. Numbing out with distractions
5. Playing small to avoid more disappointment

But here’s the key principle: You can’t heal what you keep avoiding. In counseling and behavioral science, growth begins with self-awareness. This is by allowing yourself to see the actual situation without judgment. So instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” 

Ask a better question: 👉 “Where am I right now—emotionally, mentally, relationally?” Not the ideal version of you. Not who you used to be. Just the honest present version.

THERE IS HELP AVAILABLE:
When you are ready for a session with me
Just send me a personal message on Messenger Jiji Harner
Here is more information about my services:
https://safeguardmentalhealth.org/

 

Here are the Daily Practical Steps to Overcome this Tendency

1. Name your state (regulate your brain)

• Say it simply: “I feel anxious.” “I feel ashamed.” “I feel off.”
• This activates the prefrontal cortex and calms emotional overload.

2. Calm body down before you fix

• Take 3–5 slow breaths
• Put your hand on your chest (this signals safety to your nervous system)
• Sit in stillness for a minute instead of rushing to escape the feeling 

3. Reduce isolation (micro-connection)

• Send one honest message to someone safe
• Or spend quiet time in reflection/prayer—not performing, just being. Isolation intensifies distress; connection regulates it.

4. Take one small, identity-restoring action

• If you’ve lost confidence → do one small task well
• If you’ve lost joy → do one thing you used to enjoy (even briefly)
• If you’ve lost kindness → help one person 
• Don’t wait to feel like yourself—act your way back into alignment.

5. Reject toxic self-talk this is your brain learning a bad habit of faulty thinking:

• I’m not enough
• I messed everything up
• I should just stay small 

Interrupt it:  This is just a stress response, not the truth.

6. Practice “presence” not “perfecting”

         Growth isn't about never falling. It's about returning to what is true each time you drift. Not the filtered version of you. Not the strong version. The real one—even when that reality is messy, uncertain, or unfinished. Because restoration psychologically and spiritually always starts the same way:

• Stop Hiding
• Be Present
• Be honest
• Reconnect

• And from there, your brain rewires, your emotions stabilize, and your sense of self begins to rebuild—step by step, day by day.

 Connect with God: When life becomes overwhelming, our first response is often to do more, think more, or worry more. Yet Scripture invites us to something different: to be still. Stillness is not giving up; it is creating space to become present to God, to ourselves, and to what truly needs our attention. In that place of presence, we are reminded that we do not carry every burden alone. 

Here is God’s Invitation: Matthew 11:28-30 NIV “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”