Trauma After Typhoon Tino: Recovery for the Devasted Hearts, Minds, and Bodies - and Resources Available for your Children

By God’s grace, my family is safe. Day -2 Thank God, We just got our electricity back. 🙏

Our hearts, however, are heavy with grief for those who have lost loved ones, pets, livelihoods, homes, church buildings, vehicles, and entire communities. The devastation brought by Typhoon Tino is beyond what words, photos, or videos can capture. What we are witnessing is not just a natural disaster, but also human negligence and corruption which have deeply deepened the suffering of those who have survived the collateral damage flash flood. Accountability is needed.

The Impact Reaches Every Part of Life:

1. Physical: hunger, loss of shelter, illness, infections, and the rising death toll.
2. Financial: loss of livelihood and property, with debts and loans still to pay, and other unrecoverable and irreplaceable loss. 
3. Emotional: anger, grief, despair, fear, and anxiety ripple through families and communities. 
4. Psychological: distress, trauma, the rhythm of life and sense of safety are gone; many feel disoriented and deeply vulnerable.
5. Social/Relational: neighborhoods have been washed away, connections disrupted, and communities displaced.
6. Schools destroyed/Academic Performance: The children is the major group who will be suffering from the long-term impact of this catastrophe, physically, emotionally, and academically. They will be struggling to concentrate and their ability to stay focused and absorb what they are learning will be affected. But this trauma impact can be lessen by caring parents, adults, and teachers. It is important to create learning structures to create some form of normalcy and continue to engage the children academically. Children can bunch back. Be proactive. 
7. Be watchful - many of them will turn to unhealthy coping behaviors and vices to numb the internal struggle that they cannot verbalize and are unable to describe. Bring them to community help and any place that can provide their academic and social needs. The G1:27 Tutoring Team Offers Free Academic Tutoring for students' needs from K-12 to the Tutoring Center is located a Purok 7, Nangka Consolacion and it is Open from Monday - Thursday from 6PM to 8PM. NO PAY NEEDED - Parents and caring adults invest your time to the healing and recovery of the children and be patient - go with them to show your support.

🌿As a trauma specialist, I want to gently remind everyone struggling:
If you are grieving or traumatized:

1. Acknowledge your feelings—don’t rush healing.
2. Rest when you can; your body and mind are trying to recover.
3. Stay connected—reach out to loved ones, faith communities, or support groups.
4. Avoid numbing your pain with substances or overwork; these bring temporary relief but deepen long-term suffering.

 If you feel hopeless or lost, seek help. Healing is possible, even if it takes time.

 💌 THERE IS HELP AVAILABLE:

When you are ready for a session with me

just send me a personal message on Messenger Jiji Harner

Here is more information about my services: https://safeguardmentalhealth.org/

Trauma Symptoms:

•  Recovery is not only about rebuilding homes—it’s about healing hearts, minds, and bodies. The body carries what the eyes cannot see and the heart cannot speak.
•  Remember, fear, flashbacks, startled response, nightmares, grief, anger, doubts about your faith, depressed, anxious, and discouraged - these are normal reactions to abnormal events

 Here’s What You Can Do:

1. Extra patience and understand that when you are overwhelmed little things can turn into big conflict.
2. Ensure food and rest is provide safety is a basic need.
3. Structure your daily activities to create order in you and your children can focus and continue learning, growing, and engaging with life's challenges.
4. Do physical activities with your kids. Allow them to work alongside you.
5. Supervise your kids screen time, sign them up with online academic resources like Khan Academy, Duolingo, and Purpose Games – my husband Rick Harner https://www.purposegames.com/group/g127/intro, created a thousand plus of online academic resources at your child’s grade level for free for all grade levels K-12. There are more creative ways your kids can learn to address their academic (reading comprehension/math) needs.
6. Engage them emotionally by talking about how they feel and what they think. Secure them, provide comfort and encouragement by showing them how to face challenges and embrace grief and loss, and find help and comfort - from friends, families, meaningful physical activities, fellowships, and prayer

Strengthen your spirituality - because amid this immense suffering, faith, gratitude, and hope in God are our best anchors. They are not just religious and naïve comforts, but protective factors that buffer us from further trauma and help us endure, heal, and recover from anything we are facing in life.

 To those directly affected: your pain is valid, your exhaustion is understood. Healing will take time, but you are not alone.

To those spared: let us not look away. Compassion, advocacy, and accountability are our shared responsibilities.

May God’s mercy sustain us all as we move toward recovery, justice, and collective healing. 💛🙏

Earthquake Mental Health Check-In - How to Overcome Acute Stress Due to Earthquake

 Earthquake Mental Health Check-in 

The magnitude 6.9 earthquake that struck on Tuesday has taken 65 lives, injured hundreds, and left communities in Bogo, San Remigio, Daanbantayan, Medellin, and Tabuelan facing unimaginable loss and disruption.

To those who are grieving, injured, or simply trying to make sense of what happened — we see your pain. These moments can reawaken past trauma and bring deep fear and uncertainty. Please know that your feelings are valid, and you are not alone.

For those who may not be at the epicenter but somehow felt the earthquake, this might have a significant impact on you, especially when you are alone or when you are inside a building several storeys high; this can be very traumatizing for you. Not knowing what will happen next, how to escape, where to go, and when the next earthquake will happen next. When you are experiencing this, know that this is a normal response to sudden and life-threatening events.

Common Reactions After an Earthquake:

You may notice:

1. Fearful: feeling jumpy or easily startled by loud sounds or sudden movements

2. Flashbacks or memories of past disasters

3. Restlessness, difficulty sleeping or relaxing

4. Irritability, sadness, or numbness

5. Physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, or fatigue

6. You worry a lot about anything - the durability and stability of the structure of the building you are in. The news about ramphant substandard construction of building, roads, and bridge can become a trauma trigger.

These may be signs of acute stress, which is a natural response after a scary or life-threatening event.

When to Seek More Help:

If symptoms continue for more than a few weeks or feel unmanageable, it’s okay to reach out for professional support. You don’t have to go through this alone.

Mental health support is not a luxury — it's part of healing.

For Debriefing/Counseling/Psychotherapy Needs Contact:

https://safeguardmentalhealth.org/

- Harner Mental Health Services

- Jiji Laprodes Harner

Here are other ways that can help:

Here are a few grounding and coping strategies:

1. Talk to someone you trust — sharing your experience helps process it.

2. Practice deep breathing: Inhale 4 counts, hold 4, exhale 6.

3. Limit media exposure, especially if it's overwhelming or graphic.

4. Stick to routines — structure helps your brain feel safe.

5. Stay connected to friends, family, and community.

6. If possible, do something comforting or familiar (walk, prayer, music).

Introducing EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY DISCIPLESHIP IN-Person Workshop November 15, 2025

            Is your church facing growing challenges with shallow spirituality, mental health struggles, broken relationships, or a lack of emotional safety in small groups and homes? I invite you to the Emotionally Healthy Discipleship (EHD) in-person workshop. On November 15, 2025, at 7:30AM – 12:00NN at the Baptist Theological College, AS Fortuna, Mandaue City. As a Christian Counselor/Psychologist, I recommend EHD for your church or for yourself. Emotionally Healthy Discipleship is a biblically grounded pathway that integrates emotional healing with spiritual growth—offering a clear, Christ-centered solution to build a culture of safety, authenticity, and lasting transformation. This proven approach can help your family, small group, or churches move beyond surface-level faith to cultivate deep, healthy disciples who love God, others, and themselves well. If your community is ready for real change, Emotionally Healthy Discipleship is the way forward. 

            Looking forward to seeing you during this workshop. Get a discount to attend this workshop. Early Registration - Only Php 500 - after November 10th, Registration will be 600. 

          Here is the registration form: https://forms.gle/s4WoWG6p3m8fBLxf7

Registration includes: the Emotionally Healthy Discipleship book 

🌿 Self-Care 108: Healing the Inner Critic: Restoring Compassion After Years of Self-Blame – Dr. Jiji Harner

 Dear Friend,

 Trying to move past your past can be very challenging. I hear your struggle as you wage war against the voices that are intrusive in your mind. You asked why it is so hard to turn off these negative thoughts running in your mind: Why is your inner voice so cruel, even when you are trying to do your best? You wonder, where did this self-criticism come from? 

            Many trauma survivors carry an internal voice that’s harsh, demanding, and unforgiving. Your inner critic often echoes the tone of your childhood environments — maybe a critical parent, a shaming teacher, or a moment where you felt you weren’t enough. The inner critic voice was formed not by love but out of fear. Though it now sounds like you, it isn’t the whole truth about you.

Here’s the truth: Your inner critic is not your true voice. It is a survival voice — crafted to help you avoid rejection, punishment, or shame. As a child, when you were hurt and unsupported, our defense mechanism often turn the blame inward. It felt safer to believe "something is wrong with me" than to believe the fault is on someone and have no way to control the terror of those who were supposed to protect you but didn’t.

There is hope: Healing begins when we listen to the inner critic with compassion and not condemnation. Be curious - pause and ask: What pain is this voice trying to protect me from? As you begin to understand the role of this inner critic, you can also begin to make a choice about what to do with this obsolete message being associated with this current moment. I hope this helps.  

                                                                                                    -         Jiji Harner

 💌 THERE IS HELP AVAILABLE:

When you are ready for a session with me

just send me a personal message on Messenger Jiji Harner

Here is more information about my services: https://safeguardmentalhealth.org/

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🛠️ TIPS IN DEALING WITH YOUR INNER CRITIC

1. Call the Inner Voice by It's Name

Give your inner critic a persona or nickname—not to mock it, but to make it external and observable. Example: The Drill Sergeant, The Perfectionist, The Blamer

🗣️ Ask yourself:

• When does this voice show up?
• What tone does it use?
• Whose voice does it sound like?

📝 Write: “My inner critic says ____________.” Example: “You’re a failure. You should’ve done better. You’re falling behind. No one will love you like this.”

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2. Validate the Voice’s Purpose

Say to yourself: “This voice was developed to protect me.”

Try this reframe: “When I was young, this voice tried to keep me safe by making me better, quieter, perfect. It wasn’t cruelty—it was fear trying to shield me from rejection.”

🧠 Try to challenge this erroneous beliefs (e.g., “I must be perfect to be worthy”)
without judging ourselves for believing it it.

💬 “My critic was born in fear, not truth.”

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3. Speak to Yourself with Compassion

Speak gently to the wounded part beneath the critic:

• Say name of the inner critic_______, I know you were trying so hard to be loved. You don’t have to earn your worth anymore. You are loved—even when you rest, even when you fail, even when you’re messy.

👐 Use your non-dominant hand to write a reply from your inner child, responding to your compassion.

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4. Replace Criticism with Truth

Identify a recurring self-judgment and replace it with truth.

Thought	Truth
“I’m such a failure.”	“I had a hard day. I am learning. I am loved regardless.”
“I’ll never be good enough.”	“God formed me in love. His grace fills my gaps.”
“I’m too much / not enough.”	“I am exactly who I need to be to grow into wholeness.”

📖 Meditate on God’s Word:

“There is no condemnation for those in Christ.” —Romans 8:1
“You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” —Song of Songs 4:7

God doesn’t speak in shame. His voice restores, reaffirms, and renews.

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5. Slow Down - Regulate with the Body

💡 Inner critics often activate fight–freeze states.

Try this: Remind Yourself You are Safe Now

• Place your hand over your heart
• Breathe in for 4, out for 6
• Say slowly: “I am safe. I am seen. I am loved.”

🧘‍♀️ This signals to the amygdala that it doesn’t need to fight you—you are not a threat.

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🌼 Be Friend Yourself:

You are not the cruel things your mind says over and over again. You are not the echo of a voice that made love conditional. That voice was shaped by pain, but right now you are choosing to reshape it by love.

💗 The inner critic was a shield—but you don’t need armor anymore. You are safe enough now to speak kindly to yourself.

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📝 Journal: Find Some Time to Capture Your Thoughts

 

💬 Step 1: What does my critic say?

“My critic tells me _______________________.”

 

🧠 Step 2: What is it trying to protect me from?

“It says this because it’s afraid that _____________________.”

 

💛 Step 3: What would compassion say instead?

Rewrite the statement with gentleness and truth.

“I’m not ____________. I am ____________.”

Example:
“I’m not a failure. I’m growing through hard things with courage.”

 

🙌 Step 4: What truth will I speak today?

☐ I am already loved—even when imperfect
☐ I’m not behind; I’m on my journey
☐ My worth is not performance-based
☐ I forgive myself for being hard on me
☐ I speak to myself the way God speaks to me: with grace

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💌 Affirmation: I Am Not My Inner Critic

I am not what the inner critic says. I am not condemned. I am forgiven. I turned off the voice that once shamed me into silence. I am not a problem to fix—I have been redeemed. I was created to love and be loved. I was never meant to be perfect. I am good enough, I am unique, and I am loved and able to love.

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🙏 Try Talking to God

God Who Created the Universe,

Sometimes I confuse Your voice with the one in my head. The one that criticizes, condemns, and never lets me rest. But You are not that voice. You are the still, soft whisper of grace that assures me - that you will never leave me. You are close as the air I breathe. Teach me to speak to myself the way You do— Not with shame, but with tenderness. Not with fear, but with faith. Not with blame, but with blessing. Quiet the critic, God. And let me hear your voice of truth calling me your beloved. Let me walk in the dignity you bestowed on me. Let me claim the purpose for which you have created me to be. 

                        Amen.

🌿 Self-Care 107: You Are Not Your Trauma Response: Healing the Confusion Between Survival and Identity - By Dr. Jiji Harner

 Dear Friend,

Overwhelmed by anger, fear, shame, and guilt from arguments you never meant to have, from running away even when your heart wanted to stay, from jealousy that left you anxious and paranoid, and from the insecurity that keeps you trapped in cycles of pain and abuse.  Lately, you’ve been asking me questions — Why do you react this way? Why does peace feel so distant? Is healing even possible? 

I want to share this with you, and I hope it brings some light. First, let me say this clearly: You are not your trauma response. You are not your shutdown, your people-pleasing, your anger, or your overthinking. These were survival strategies—an intelligent, instinctive way you need when other coping mechanisms are not possible. You've learned that this was the only thing - to stay safe when safety was not guaranteed. It makes perfect sense if you think of how much you have to adapted to people and your environment in order to survive. You’ve successfully coped with the challenges you’ve faced at that time. This is a new season - a new growth challenge, you’re being invited to face life without the shield that you used to protect yourself —not to minimize the past or erase your memory of that painful past, but to reclaim your present and realize you are in a season of life.

Remember this: You are allowed to pause before reacting. You are allowed to feel without fixing. You are allowed to grow into a life not built around fear, but trust. This will take time—and grace. But every small step toward wholeness matters. You are not beyond repair in fact - you are becoming even more amazing.

Sometimes we mistake our trauma responses for our personality. Do you shut down emotionally when things get hard? Do you over-apologize, overachieve, or over-care to stay safe? Do you withdraw, lash out, or go silent? These immature responses are not who you are. You can change it. You can learn a new strategy that is appropriate to the current situation. You see, we all develop attachment strategies to secure connection. Even our most problematic patterns are really “protests” against disconnection. You are not bad. You were simply trying to stay connected to stay alive - the only way you knew how.

Let go of these immature and obsolete ways of protecting or defending yourself from possible rejection and loss. Look, you are here now - with so much to offer, but you don't see it because your need for security still overwhelms you. Stop these habits of thinking and behaving - try incorporating the truth that you are safe, loved, wanted, and belong. Get out of the mindset that others should change first. Begin the change you are looking for within you. 

                                                                           -  Jiji Harner

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💌 THERE IS HELP AVAILABLE:

When you are ready for a session with me

just send me a personal message on Messenger Jiji Harner

Here is more information about my services: https://safeguardmentalhealth.org/

 

                                                                       Photo by Rejen Bosquit

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🛠️ TIPS FOR UNTANGLING YOUR IDENTITY FROM YOUR COPING

1. Recognize the Strategy: Start by naming what you do when you feel unsafe or disconnected:

• Do you fawn to prevent rejection?
• Do you shut down to avoid more hurt?
• Do you overperform to earn belonging? 

🎯 All behavior is purposeful—it is an attempt to meet one of five needs: love, belonging, power, freedom, or fun.

📝 For me I would say: “When I feel nervous, I tend to laugh”

           Try Yours: “When I feel unsafe, I tend to ___________.”

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2. Validate the Strategy

        Say to yourself: “Cleaning the entire house helped me survive the anger of my mom. It made sense back then.”

        This time, try to challenge your irrational beliefs without shaming the behavior. Instead of blaming yourself, validate the function of your response.

💬 “I wasn’t weak to be the only one who had to do the cleaning—I was wise to find a way to cope.”

Try challenging your irrational belief: Example: “I missed out on many good things in life because my father was too strict, though I might have been deprived of having fun, but I also have gained many great skills that made me more resilient. I was able to find ways, then I can find a new way to face my challenges now.”

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3. Analyze: Separate Identity from Strategy

     Write this statement: “I am not ___. I did ___ to feel safe.” 

         "I am not a hot-tempered person. I did the lashing out to feel safe."
     Examples:

• “I am not cold. I shut down because it wasn’t safe to express.”
• “I am not needy. I sought closeness because I feared abandonment.”
• “I am not fake. I people-pleased to stay emotionally safe.”

      This untangles your identity from your adaptation.

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4. Stop the Habit: Slowdown Your Response and Choose Alternative Safe Behaviors

Try to pause, breathe, or reach for a safe connection instead of reacting out of reflex or fight or flight response.

Try this simple 3-step "Attachment Pause":

1. Name what you're feeling (fear, tension, grief). Example: Fear: I think you are disrespecting me... I am afraid everyone will not respect me. 
2. Breathe slowly (4 in, 6 out)
3. Ask: “What do I really need right now?” (Comfort? Space? Assurance?) Example: I need comfort and assurance that even amid this argument, I know you still love me. 

Remember:  We are always choosing. Today, choose to be present, remind yourself that you have the power to choose your outcome, instead of protecting yourself from whatever you are afraid of.

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🌼 Befriend Yourself

              You are not your fear. You are not your anger. You are not your shutdown. You are not your overthinking. You are resilient and brave. You found ways to survive when you weren’t seen, held, or heard. These old ways of behaving and responding were the best coping strategies you had. The situation has changed now. It’s like using the same shoes when your feet have grown bigger. You are growing and adapting your choice of coping then, may not be the best stop guilt tripping yourself. Look how able and resourceful you are in facing your challenges. Even your “maladaptive” responses speak to how fiercely you tried to protect yourself. It is okay - you have survived. You are safe enough to choose differently— you’re ready to heal and embrace the purpose why you are in such a time as this. Stand up - embrace the calling. Face your fear - kaya mo yan. You have so many cheering for you. I am cheering for you. Go know and love yourself - as your gift to the one who truly loves you - God.

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📖 Scripture of Loving Identity

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

— Psalm 34:18

God sees beyond your patterns. He sees the real you—whole, beloved, and being restored.

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📝 JOURNAL YOUR RESPONSE:

💥 Step 1: My Default Strategy

       “When I feel unsafe, I tend to ____________.”

        Examples: withdraw, overwork, overthink, fawn, become defensive, numb out, or anger

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💛 Step 2: Validation Statement

       “This helped me survive when ____________________.”
       “I developed this strategy because ____________________.”

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🧠 Step 3: Separate Identity

       Write 2 statements:

• “I am not __________. I did __________ to feel safe.”
• “Now, I choose __________ instead.”

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🔄 Step 4: Practice the New Response

      What alternative will you try today?

☐ Pause before reacting

☐ Express a need gently

☐ Stay emotionally present

☐ Ask: “What do I need?”

☐ Ground myself before deciding

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💌 DECLARATION: I Am Not My Trauma Response

            I have learned ways to survive, today, I chose to unlearn those ways that are no longer bring good to me. Because they were my obsolete strategy. I am not the coping strategy I used to survive. I can stop and think. As I pause, breathe, and I can choose to respond differently now. I am honoring the strength that kept me alive. I now embrace the freedom to be real, not just protected, but to feel and know what it means to be alive.

           “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.” – Psalm 34:18

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🙏 Try Talking to God:

God of the Universe,

             I come with my hands open, letting go of the shackles that enslaved me—old ways and habits that are no longer helpful to me. Sometimes, I don’t know where my patterns end and I begin. But You do. You see past my reactions, my shutdowns, my defenses—and You still call me beloved.

Thank You for the ways I survived. Thank You that I no longer have to live in survival mode. Give me the courage to choose differently. To speak honestly. To stay present. To be more me, and less of what I thought I had to be.

I am leaving these things behind and pressing on toward the goal of living out the call I have in this world—fully and freely.

Amen.