What You Need to Know When Seeking Couple's Therapy or Family Counseling

A Counselor’s or Psychologist’s effectiveness in doing psychotherapy lies in their training and field of expertise, as well as skills and years of experience.  It is important to realize that having a degree in psychology or counseling does not make one a competent counselor or psychotherapist. 

Four reasons why it is good to seek the help of a professional counselor or psychotherapist

1)     They are objective and can provide an objective perspective on issues that you are having difficulty discussing with each other.

2)      They are trained to provide safety and create an environment so every person in the room feels comfortable to honestly tell how they see the situation and feel about being in this difficult situation.

3)      They are trained to see the dysfunctional dynamics in relationships.  They know how to restructure  communication and how to disseminate power among each member of the family. 

4)      They also help in making sure that each one is heard and listened to by the members of the family.  When each one can speak truthfully and be listened to without being criticized and judged, then your family members will begin to feel loved and respected in the family.

Just make sure to follow through on your program.  Often people will see an improvement after 1 or 2 sessions and then decide they do not need to come back.  This is not wise and can sabotage the counseling.  It takes time and discipline to restructure dysfunctional relationships.  Not following through for change because the intensity of the moment has passed is another dysfunctional pattern.  Establishing trust is not easy.  Trust grows when you give your therapist a chance to work with you and faithfully attend your weekly counseling sessions.  Give yourself time to grow and change (at least 12 sessions).  Then reevaluate whether your goals have been met and whether there is further need for  counseling.

To make counseling work for your family, you must define a specific goal what you want to accomplish in your time together. 

Commit to finish the agreed number of sessions (unless you feel that you are not really going anywhere).  Sometimes it takes up to the 3^rd session to have a comprehensive assessment of the situation of your family.  So do not give up right away.  If you do not get what you expected, discuss it with the counselor.  If it is still not achieving your goal by the 6th session, that would be a fair time to decide that this specific counselor may not be the right person for you. 

Do not decide right away to change counselors based on the fact that the counseling is uncomfortable for you.  While you are uncomfortable, it may be helping other family members.  So stick with it for their sake.  Later you will realize that not all pain is harmful.  Some pain and discomfort might be needed to feel better and become a better person – and a better family.

Yes, bringing another person who is neutral and skilled to help provide safety for each of your family members and to allow each person to be honest to each other about what they think and feel about a specific situation or how they feel about being in the family and what they can do to help achieve the goal of the family is very important in changing the family dynamics as well as changing the culture of your home.  Changing is very uncomfortable, so at first you might feel that things are getting worse because you are actually being a lot more truthful to one another.  You may find that there are so many issues that have been hidden, and now each person is bringing what is bothering them into awareness.  But persevering in counseling can bring a real change of lifestyle and family culture that can bring long-term happiness and enjoyment of the relationships.