Common Counseling Mistakes (Part 4)

Information in this post comes from Dr. John Cheydleur's book Called to Counsel, in which he describes 12 Common Counseling Mistakes that lay counselors and nonprofessional Christian Counselors tend to make. (Used with permission)

The first 8 mistakes are more technical in nature and result from good-intentioned efforts to help a person, but also a lack of understanding of the psychological processes of counseling.  The last 4 mistakes are more particular to Christian counseling because they involve misapplication of moral and spiritual principles.

9.  Overlooking Client Values

The counselor might assume that the counselee has the same values as the counselor and steer him toward solutions that reflect those assumed values.  

Example:    

A counselee is complaining that she has sent her 3 siblings to school and now she is sending her nephews and nieces.  She is almost 50 and has no savings though she has been working abroad for many years.  The counselor might think the easy thing is to tell her to have good boundaries and just stop helping her family (which might be an option from an individualistic perspective)  However, this would cause even more of a problem for the counselee as she would then struggle with intense guilt and even persecution from her family.  In her value system, her family is more important than herself.  This value can be challenged, but a change of values must be intentionally made by the counselee.  And if the counselee is not ready to change her values, then the counselor must help her look for other ways to cope that are congruent with her value system.  To stay within the above value system, the counselor might look for ways to negotiate with the family that they pay half of the tuition so that the client is able to save some money for herself.

How to Avoid this Mistake:

It is very important for the counselor to try to understand the counselee’s values and beliefs by listening intently.  After acknowledging the values and beliefs, the counselor should mirror them back for clarification, affirmation and/or correction. The counselor should be careful in his counseling responses to communicate genuine empathy and caring without being condescending, judgmental, or over-identifying with the client.

The counselor cannot help people beyond their values.  For instance, the counselor can suggest they say they are sorry, but if they don’t believe they owe an apology, even if they go through the motions of saying they are sorry, it will come across as insincere and be ineffective.  However, the counselor can challenge them to adopt new values (but he cannot assume their values are what he wants them thinks they should be)

               

10.  Misuse or Nonuse of Scripture

Counseling requires time and patience in exploring the thoughts, feelings, and behavior of the person.  Because of time constraints, the counselor may rush in quoting Scripture hoping that this will solve the problem so that the counselee will stop complaining about his problem.  Or perhaps because the counselor may not know how to proceed in moving the counselee from exploration, to insight and then to action plan, the counselor may share Bible verses to encourage the counselee to change behavior or put faith in God.  The counselor is hoping that the counselee will then stop talking about the problem because God will change it if only he has enough faith and does what he is expected to do.

The counselor might think that if the person puts their faith in God, then God will automatically solve all of the problems in his life.  Scripture can also be misused in a patronizing way or in cliché responses. 

 

Example:

Counselee:  I am really struggling right now.  The electric company has sent us notice of disconnection because we have not paid our electric bill for 4 months now.  Our water bill is also going to be disconnected this week.  I just really need God to provide for our needs so we can pay our bills or else we will have a hard time for reconnection of both electric and water bills.

Counselor:  I see that you are having so much stress right now.  I just want to let you know that God promise to supply your needs according to His riches.  Just trust Him he will not fail.

 

How to use Scripture appropriately:

To be effective in counseling, Scripture must be used surgically, delicately and sensitively. It should not be used to demean or punish the client.  Nor should it be used casually or argumentatively. Instead, the Word of God must be applied at the right time, in the right way and with power.  Scripture should be used in spiritual counseling either to confirm and strengthen the counselee’s Christian values or to confront non-biblical values that could lead the client to making wrong decisions.

When introducing a verse or a Scripture passage, the counselor should first ask the client if he remembers what the Bible says about his condition, issue, or circumstance.  After identifying applicable Scriptures, then the counselor should process the meaning of the Scripture to the counselee and how it could be applied in this particular problem.  Counseling is not an appropriate time for exhortation or preaching. 

11. Misuse of Prayer

The purpose of prayer in counseling is to request and receive the intervening power of God:  whether to change circumstances, forgive past sin, rebuke evil forces, heal sickness or meet other needs.  The counselor may be tempted to use prayer as a substitute for other skills and necessary development in the counseling process.

There are two common ways to misuse prayer:  The counselor misuses prayer when he uses it as a way to preach (to tell people what he thinks they should do or to try to convict people of the things he thinks they are doing wrong.)  Prayer can also be misused to communicate warmth or sympathy, which is inappropriate to the counseling process because these things should be spoken directly to the counselee instead of indirectly while talking to God.

For Example:

Counselee:  I really don’t have money to pay for my midterm exam.  My mother told me that they cannot send me money this month because my father is in the hospital.

Counselor:  What are your plans then? …. I think that is good.  Let me pray for you.  God, I ask you that you will provide the needs of my brother… I ask you God that may he knows that you are talking to him through his circumstance.  Help her not to worry but to simply trust in you.

To avoid this mistake: 

The counselor should make sure to clearly state any moral concern he has for the client, instead of trying to manipulate him through prayer.  Encouragement is better stated directly as part of the counseling process than through prayer (though there is some encouragement through prayer.)  The counselor can begin a session with a short prayer of invitation for God’s Spirit to work through the counseling process.  Prayer can also be used effectively at the end of the counseling process to commit the plans to the Lord.  Prayer should be used with discretion and not as a cure-all nor a substitute for the counseling process.

12. Misuse of Religious Symbols

Misapplication of religious symbols happens when the counselor uses symbols that have significance in his own faith or religious background, but do not have significance to the counselee.  Religious symbols need to fit to the belief system and the need of the counselee. These symbols should not be applied as a cure-all in place of counseling skills and interventions.

For example:

Counselee:  I am scared of evil spirits.  I have had nightmares a few nights in a row.  Do you have something I can use to get rid of my bad dreams?

Counselor:  I heard that if you put a crucifix under your pillow it will help get rid of your bad dreams and scare away evil spirits.

How to avoid this mistake:

Use counseling skills to explore the problem.  Explore emotion, cognition, and behaviors.  Help the counselee to gain insight and then allow him to explore all possible alternatives and design a specific course of action to achieve his goal.